I am currently 27, jobless, I just moved back in with my parents, and I’m trying my best to heal from a recent break up.
Not just a break up with my ex boyfriend, but a break up from a version of my life that I had with him.
A version of myself that I was with him.
I’m struggling to leave my house and do just about anything, honestly.
But about a month ago, I was living in the Caribbean, in a relationship that was seemingly perfect from the outside, running my own successful business with him, and living what some may consider a dream life.
I made my own schedule, spent evenings lounging around in a hammock or watering my beautiful garden, and I took beach breaks whenever I wanted.
I was scuba diving and hiking and experiencing new cultures and just generally living island life.
It wasn’t perfect, don’t get me wrong, but it could have been perceived as that.
A few months before that I was living on another island in Thailand.
Learning martial arts, challenging myself like I never had before, exploring Asia and making new friends.
I was also living what some may consider a dream life.
But now, I’m here.
Back home.
Struggling to find purpose in life, yet again.
And it got me thinking about how quickly the chapters in our lives can change, and how often we judge people based on a small glimpse into their lives.
What if, when we met someone, we could see their entire story, like a movie playing out on a screen?
In movies and shows, we relate to characters so deeply because we get to see everything.
We see their triumphs and their failures.
We see them cry, laugh, get angry, be scared, be cringe.
We see them at their best and at their worst. We see them as they are – complex, multi-faceted, human.
But in real life, when we meet someone, we only observe a random scene of their life.
A snapshot.
A paragraph or a sentence on a page in a chapter of their life’s book.
A single frame from their movie.
And yet, we feel entitled, compelled even, to compile a complete synopsis of their entire life based on that single frame.
We like to think we know people, but we don’t.
Our encounters with others are but fleeting moments, mere glimpses into the complex narratives that shape each individual.
Yet, how often do we succumb to the fallacy of first impressions?
We judge others based on what they post, what they wear, what they say and do, but it’s all so superficial and temporary.
People just want to be seen and understood.
It’s one of the few things we all have in common in this human experience.
Yet, despite knowing this, we continue to judge others so harshly with such little information or regard for their humanity.
For example, imagine if a tourist in the Caribbean met me a few months ago.
I was confident, maybe even charming, at the top of my game, and seemingly living an ideal life in the tropics.
They might have been jealous, thinking my life was perfect, and I will forever be in their memory as this cool person who was making a life for themselves in paradise.
Now, imagine that same person meeting me today.
Living with my parents in Baltimore, jobless, battling depression, no car and very little possessions.
I’m the same person, but at a different time, on a different page, in a different frame.
What if I showed you a single scene of your favorite movie character and asked you to judge them solely based on those few seconds, a moment frozen in time.
Would you truly understand their essence, their journey, their humanity?
In the realm of cinema, we are granted access to the innermost workings of characters’ hearts and minds.
We see their highs and their lows, their joys and their sorrows, usually over a long period of time, painting a vivid portrait of their multidimensional existence.
Take, for instance, the characters of the show Euphoria, or Shameless, or Breaking Bad, or really any show.
At first glance, we may be quick to judge the characters based off of their flaws or mistakes without delving deeper into the complexities of their experiences.
But as the story unfolds, layer by layer, we’re invited into their worlds—worlds colored by trauma, addiction, and the relentless pursuit of identity.
We come to realize that beneath the surface lies a wealth of untold stories, waiting to be heard and understood.
And as you follow their journeys and witness the depths of their pains and struggles, you find yourself judging a little less and empathizing a little more.
Now, imagine if we applied this lens of empathy to our everyday lives.
What if, instead of hastily labeling others—and even ourselves—as ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ ‘nice’ or ‘mean,’ we paused to consider the myriad of factors that have shaped who we are?
Just because someone has a mean or negative moment, doesn’t mean that’s who they truly are.
Perhaps the stranger who cut you off in traffic is grappling with burdens you couldn’t imagine, or is rushing to an important job interview that he needs to be on time to to provide for his family.
Maybe there’s an emergency.
Maybe the coworker who seems like the biggest asshole is battling inner demons and was never taught how to express their insecurities or frustrations.
Maybe they were abused, and being abusive is all they know.
We never really know what’s going on in someone’s life, but we tend to assume the worst in people.
We don’t take time to consider that behind every facade, every action, lies a story.
As I mentioned before, you can apply this same concept to how you judge yourself.
You might be in the midst of a chapter in your life, a page in your book, or a scene in your movie that you’re not so proud of.
Maybe you’re struggling with addiction, had to move back in with your parents, or you’re jobless and feel like you’re starting over.
Maybe you have few or no friends, or you’re going through a breakup and feeling lonely or depressed.
Maybe you’re experiencing all of these things, like I am.
Consider that this is just a moment in our stories, an episode in our series.
Life is just one big compilation of short stories.
If you try to see your life and the lives of those around you through a cinematic lens, it becomes much easier to work though and cope with tough times.
Maybe this is the part when the character loses everything or hits rock bottom, and then their metamorphosis begins—the dark before the dawn.
Maybe this is the scene where the character is living their best life, feeling like they have it all, right before they lose everything.
It’s important to be okay with not getting too comfortable, whether you’re at a high or a low in your story.
The more we can detach from our experiences and zoom out to see the bigger picture, the more we can be content with where we are, rather than just being passengers on life’s endless roller coaster of highs and lows.
We don’t usually look at ourselves or others objectively.
We tend to zoom in on our feelings or specific moments and assign more meaning to them than they deserve.
We think it’s the end of the world when something terrible happens, as if this time in our lives, this chapter, these few scenes, define who we are—a failure, a success, a good person, or a bad person.
But life is so much more complex than that.
I, for one, know I am my harshest critic.
I can be, and usually am, so harsh on myself.
Ironically, I judge myself the most during the times in my life where I would most benefit from a little compassion and understanding.
But when I remind myself that this moment will pass, this scene will fade, and the show will go on, then I don’t feel so overwhelmed by my temporary feelings or situations.
I’m learning to just breathe through the difficult scenes and remind myself that this is not the end of my story; that soon, this chapter will give way to new beginnings.
I’ll learn, grow, and evolve, just as the characters I love do.
All of the experiences in my life, whether they’re full of joy or pain, add necessary depth to my story and shape me into who I am meant to become.
So, to anyone out there feeling lost or judged, I feel you- deeply, but remember that our stories are still being written.
We have to be patient with ourselves and with others.
Personally, I’m trying my best to approach life with curiosity and empathy, and embrace the journey with all its twists and turns,
but it’s really fucking hard.
And I have to keep reminding myself that it’s the ups and the downs, these highs and lows, that make the most compelling and beautiful narratives.
Thank you for being here,
— Grace
