I’ve always been the type of person who feels the urge to do something drastic when life becomes too stagnant.
And last year, I reached a level of depression that was so incredibly low, and I was desperate for a change.
Usually, when I get to these levels of low, my first thought is to travel.
I’ve been drawn to traveling for as long as I can remember.
There’s just something about stepping into a completely new environment—experiencing a new culture, seeing new faces, trying new food, breathing new air.
And when I’m feeling depressed or stuck in a rut, a culture shock is usually what I crave to remind myself what it’s like to feel alive.
I now understand that running away to try and avoid your problems doesn’t actually solve anything since you take yourself with you wherever you go, but I’ll get more into that another time.
Anyway, this time was a bit different than in the past.
I knew I wasn’t just looking for an escape, like I usually do, I genuinely wanted to do something hard.
Something that would push me physically and mentally.
I wanted to challenge myself in a way I hadn’t before.
So I started looking online for opportunities, and I eventually decided to try a site I found called Workaway.
For those of you who don’t know, Workaway.com is this amazing platform that connects travelers with hosts around the world in exchange for work.
You can access thousands of opportunities to stay and work in places you might never otherwise afford.
The idea is simple: you offer your time and skills, and in return, you get free accommodation, and in some cases, food and other perks.
It’s the perfect setup if you’re traveling on a budget or, like me, if you’re looking for something immersive and challenging.
It’s so different than a vacation because you really experience what life is like wherever you go on a different level, it’s more of a cultural exchange.
I’d heard about Muay Thai years ago, but honestly, I never thought I’d actually be learning it.
I’m not a naturally coordinated person, to say the least.
I’d taken a Muay Thai class once before many years ago, and it was one of the most embarrassing, grueling experiences I’ve ever had.
Every movement felt wrong- I was so heavy-footed and clumsy.
I left that class with a messed-up shoulder, a bruised ego, and I was sure that martial arts just wasn’t for me.
But something about this opportunity to train Muay Thai in Thailand just clicked.
It terrified me, and that’s exactly why I knew I had to go.
I wanted to prove to myself that I could do hard things.
And so, I decided that traveling to the other side of the world by myself to live in a fighter dorm amongst a bunch of fighters on a small island during monsoon season to train in a martial art that terrified me as a complete beginner in extremely humid heat sounded hard enough.
So I came up with the idea, reached out to them, heard back, booked my ticket, broke my lease and moved out of my apartment, got rid of a lot of my belongings, packed my bags, and left for Thailand- all within the course of a month.
I’m not much of a planner… clearly.
I’m more of a go with my gut kinda person, and I tend to act quite irrationally once I’ve got an idea in my head.
This has helped me and hurt me in many different ways, but I’ll dive deeper into that at a different time.
When I landed in Thailand, it was like walking into a completely different world.
The air was thick with humidity, and the streets were buzzing with life.
Thailand is full of contrast—there’s this incredible energy and chaos, but also this deep-rooted calm and warmth in the people.
I was immediately struck by how kind and welcoming everyone was.
I didn’t speak any Thai, and yet somehow, through smiles, gestures, and laughter, I found myself making local friends quickly.
The Muay Thai gym I was staying at was… intense, to say the least.
When I got there, I was exhausted from 2 days of traveling, and I was greeted by a large open-air gym, the sound of punches and heavy kicks hitting pads, the rhythmic shuffling of feet on the mat, the occasional “thud” of someone being thrown to the ground, trainers yelling out combos.
The air was thick and hot and filled with the smell of multiple different flavors of body odor.
Languages from all over the world were being spoken around me.
People had black eyes and bruises everywhere.
It was over-stimulating in many ways…
But I had committed to it, so I threw myself into the experience full force.
Those first few days were brutal.
Every part of my body ached in ways I didn’t think was possible.
Muay Thai is all about precision and coordination—your stance, your hips, your shoulders, your feet—they all have to move in harmony.
And for someone like me as an inharmonious individual with no coordination and a very heavy tread, uh it was exhausting.
I was so self-conscious and would get in my head every time I made a mistake and so I would just continue to make so many mistakes over and over.
I was always frustrated and embarrassed.
My body just wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do.
But the thing about Muay Thai, and martial arts in general, is that it forces you to face your limitations head-on.
At first, I hated it.
I hated how bad I was, how every move felt like it went against every natural instinct in my body.
But eventually, things shifted, and I realized that the discomfort was the point, and I was able to have a bit more fun with it.
Growth doesn’t happen in the comfortable moments.
It happens when you’re stretched to your limit, when every fiber of your being wants to give up, but you don’t.
And that’s exactly what Muay Thai was teaching me.
To embrace discomfort.
To face and push through all of my fears.
To laugh at myself and not take things so seriously.
The Thai people love to laugh and joke and the energy really is contagious- it’s not called the land of smiles for nothing.
Now, Muay Thai was the reason I came to Thailand, but I also ended up learning Jiu Jitsu.
I hadn’t planned on trying grappling at all, but as part of the deal I had with the gym through Workaway, I could take any class I wanted.
And on a whim, I decided to give Jiu Jitsu a try.
I’ll never forget that first class and how starkly different it felt from my first muay thai class.
Everything just… clicked.
Jiu Jitsu is more cerebral, and requires you to be heavy on your opponent rather than light and quick and it just came so much more naturally to me.
The first day the coach told me I was a natural, and for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was decent at something.
Another thing I really had to work hard at in Thailand was breathing.
I know, breathing doesn’t sound very hard.
It is by definition, autonomic.
But I’ve struggled with anxiety and panic attacks for as long as I can remember, and breathing has always been difficult for me.
So, when I heard there were breathwork classes I could take, I was intrigued.
I started taking the classes, and honestly, they changed my life. I never realized how much control we have over our bodies, over our nervous system, just by changing the way that we breathe.
Everything comes back to the breath.
In martial arts, in life, in dealing with stress—if you can control your breath, you can control your mind.
I now practice breathwork every day, whether it’s in my training or to wake myself up or to calm myself down.
I’ve learned to breathe through discomfort—both physically in my training, and emotionally when anxiety and stress creeps in.
It’s become my anchor.
I now know that martial arts teaches you so much more than how to fight.
It teaches you discipline.
It teaches you patience.
And more than anything, it teaches you to be present.
In those moments when you’re sparring or grappling, nothing else exists.
It’s a form of meditation.
You’re not thinking about your past or your future.
You’re just there, in that moment, trying to survive.
And in a way, it’s incredibly freeing.
It’s also helped me redefine my relationship with pain.
I used to run from pain—physical and emotional.
And don’t get me wrong I definitely still have to fight the urge to avoid it or numb myself or shut off when I’m in pain.
But through a lot of effort and practice, I’ve learned to embrace it more and more.
Pain isn’t something to be feared, and I’ve found that the fear of pain is far worse than the actual pain itself.
When you face it head-on, when you breathe through it, you realize it’s not actually as bad as your mind made it seem.
Leaving Thailand was hard, but I left with so much more than I came with.
I left with a new understanding of what discipline really is, a deeper connection to my breath, and a confidence I had never felt.
By the time I left I felt so powerful.
I had faced so many of my different fears.
The training, the breathwork, the ice baths, and every part of the entire experience taught me how to face discomfort and breathe through it.
And that’s something I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.
So, if you’re ever feeling stuck, if you feel like your life needs a shift, maybe try doing something hard.
It doesn’t need to be something as drastic as moving to Thailand, but if the thought of doing it scares you, do that shit.
Cause who knows, it might just change your life.
Thank you for being here,
— Grace
